


someday my pain

by aryawaterrs (Aryawaterrs)



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: F/M, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-17
Updated: 2013-06-27
Packaged: 2017-12-15 06:40:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/846480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aryawaterrs/pseuds/aryawaterrs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>' The weight of a thousand suns pressed Arya down into the chair, tying her hands to the handles, strapping her ankles to the legs.<br/>She couldn't have... She wouldn't have tried to... Her sister wouldn't have tried to leave her. '</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. what might have been lost

**Author's Note:**

> i've been wanting to write something like this for a while, but i wasn't sure quite how to do it, but i've given in my best shot.

The weight of a thousand suns pressed Arya down into the chair, tying her hands to the handles, strapping her ankles to the legs.

She couldn't have... She wouldn't have tried to... Her sister wouldn't have tried to leave her.

She received the phone call from Jon about an hour into her fencing lesson. A minute later, she had changed and sprinted from the building straight towards the hospital. She could have got the bus she supposed. But Arya needed the adrenaline in her veins. It helped her focus. It cleared her mind.

She knew she wouldn't get that from the hour long bus journey.

Sansa's usually prim and proper hair was still tied up in the bun she had seen it in just a day earlier, just now it was matted around her face. She could see the remnants of makeup around her eyes, although most of it had smudged down her face, presumably where her sister had been crying.

Arya could scarcely bring herself to look at her. At the brace around her neck. The wire needled into her hand. The oxygen mask on her face.

She could almost see the newspaper headlines tomorrow. _'Daughter of the late Ned Stark tries to commit suicide at age 19, police are questioning deranged boyfriend._ '

Arya knew it was Joffrey who had done this. She knew it. The man was mental. He kept Sansa locked up in the house she shared with his family. Arya had scarcely seen her sister for two months now. If she'd just _been_ there. Maybe she could have stopped her. Maybe she could have offered some sort of support to her sister.

But Arya knew that wasn't true. She had never been the sort of person who thought talking could sort out your problems.

Arya knew if she had been let near Joffrey, he'd be in hospital instead of Sansa.

She'd make sure of it.

There was a gentle hand on her wrist. Arya looked up and saw Jon. His eyes remained unusually calm for the situation they were in.

"You alright?" No words left his mouth.

Arya nodded and stood up too quickly. The world faded black around her for a second. She gripped the arms of the chair tightly.

"I'm going to get tea." She closed her eyes for a fraction of a second, before looking at Jon. "Want anything?"

He shook his head. She looked at Bran in his wheelchair. She looked at Rickon, sitting cross-legged on the floor. She repeated the offer to them. They both declined.

"Should I come with you?" Jon asked her.

Arya waved her hand. "I'll be fine. I'd rather go by myself." She smiled at him, but the smile didn't quite reach her eyes.

Jon returned the smile, and Arya pulled the curtain back and stalked out the door of the ward.

She needed to be alone. Just for a while. She needed to look like she wasn't visiting her suicidal sister. Maybe people would treat her normally then. That was what she needed. Just a moment to be normal again.

* * *

She tapped her feet against the bar of the chair and took a slow sip from the plastic cup in front of her. She was acting normal. She was doing it. If she could fool other people then maybe, just maybe, she could fool herself.

The barista smiled at her when she made eye contact. Arya tried her best to smile back.

"Excuse me?"

A voice she had never heard before sounded behind her. She flinched slightly, masking it by turning around at the same time. She found herself looking up at a man that she would normally have laughed at and likened to a bull. If that even made any sense.

The bull-like man smiled at her. A kind sort of smile but pity laced his eyes. And Arya knew he knew. She just did. She wasn't normal anymore.

"What?" She didn't bother to keep the annoyance out of her voice. Not when he was just standing there looking stupid.

He raised his eyebrows but didn't reciprocate her anger. "Are you Arya?"

She opened her mouth to speak but he cut her off, seemingly knowing she was about to snap at him. "I was talking to Jon. He asked me to come check on you because he didn't want to leave your sister."

Arya squinted at him suspiciously. But she could tell he wasn't lying. Otherwise how would he know Jon's name?

"Why were you talking to my brother?" She asked him, finally.

He shrugged slightly. "We're on the same ward."

"Oh," Arya's eyes widened at the realisation. She bit her lip nervously. " _Oh._ You can sit down if you want."

When he did, Arya finally settled her eyes on him properly. His eyes were blue, like her mother's. His hair was black, like her father's. She decided she liked him.

"Who are you visiting?" She knew it was a personal question, but Arya didn't care for formalities any more. She couldn't bring herself to.

He raised his eyebrows so high they disappeared beneath his fringe. "You don't even know my name."

Arya shrugged. "Alright," She said, licking her lips. "What's your name?"

"Gendry." He replied almost instantly. "And I'm visiting my mum. She..."

" _I know_ ," Arya said softly. She knew the ward had been specifically allocated to suicides.

Gendry smiled as a way of thanks.

"Are you on your own?" She kicked herself mentally for sounding too concerned.

"No," He looked away from her. "My sister's up there with her now."

Arya nodded. A few seconds of silence passed before either of them moved. Gendry made a noise somewhere between a sigh and a groan and put his head in his hands.

Arya's eyes widened.

She couldn't even comfort her own family never mind a stranger she had just met. There had always been this running joke in the family that she was emotionally cut off. Arya supposed she was in a way. After every loss their family suffered she only felt numbness. It had taken her months to just _cry_ over her father's death, and even then it was out of anger. Out of frustration.

Arya hesitated. He put his hands back on the table. She noticed his eyes were red.

"Are you okay?" It was a stupid question, she knew.

Even so, he still managed a weak smile towards her. "Not really."

She frowned. "Do you want tea or coffee or-" He shook his head at her. Arya decided to try a different approach. "Hey! Life's shit sometimes. _There are people that are worse off than you... Us._ " She said the last sentence almost ironically.

He smiled bitterly. "Do you have it worse than me?"

"What?" He had surprised her there. No one had ever asked her before.

"Where's the rest of your family? Have you not got a mum or a dad or-"

"That's none of your business." She said, anger filling her mouth.

"Then don't you dare tell me there are people who are worse off-"

Arya's hand made contact with his cheek before she knew what she was doing.  She stood up immediately, the chair scraping loudly against the floor. There was a moment of silence between the two of them.

She stared at him, her cheeks flushed with anger and her eyes narrowed. He returned her stare, wincing slightly.

"Sorry." Arya managed to blurt out - her voice void of all emotions but anger. With that, she spun on her heel running as fast as she could to get away from him. Figures blurred past but no one tried to stop her. She knew she was running too fast for that.

The fresh air hit her the moment she stepped outside.

She stopped running.

Her pulse pounded in her head, the heat filled the palms of her hands. Breaths came laboured to her, and Arya had to double over to regain them.

They were all lost to her. Her father. Her mother. Robb. Now Sansa. _Sansa had tried to leave her._

"You can't run away from your problems Arya, I've tried." She recognised Gendry's voice. She gritted her teeth in annoyance. He'd followed her. She would have thought a slap to the face would have been enough to get someone to piss off.

Strong arms were around her waist, and before she could stop herself, Gendry was leading her over to a nearby bench. He deposited her gently and sat down as far away from her as the bench would allow.

"Yeah?" Arya met his eyes for the first time. "Well maybe you just haven't been running fast enough."

Gendry's face softened.

"Why are you doing this?" She asked him, her voice wobbly. Her resolve had crumbled. "We don't even know each other."

He shrugged, and looked pointedly at his feet. "You look like you need someone to care."

Arya raised her eyebrows. "And you? Your mum's lying up there next to my sister. Why would you want to help someone else?"

Gendry smiled wryly. "Some people are nice you know."

"Shut up," She said, understanding the words behind his smile. But she didn't sound as harsh as she had intended to.

He grinned at her. After a moment more of silence his smile faded. "So..."

"So we can help each other." Said Arya, almost immediately.

Gendry looked at her suddenly. His eyes pierced through her, sending shivers down the back of her neck.

"Okay." He said, after a moment’s thought. He held out a hand to her. "Ready to go back in?"

Arya nodded solemnly. She took his hand.

She was a Stark of Winterfell. She could be as strong as a bull. 


	2. in the morning, i'll call you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not entirely sure where I'm going with this.

**Arya:** Want me to come with you today?

She waited for a second, pressing her feet up against the wall forcing her chair backwards. Sansa’s gentle breathing was constant behind her. She was asleep. At least Arya hoped she was.

Her phone buzzed.

 **Gendry:** Nah, Mya’s coming. We still on for tonight though?

 **Arya:** I am if you are Waters ;)

 **Gendry:** Did you just wink at me?

 **Arya:** Shut up.

She fought the smile that threatened to break through on her face. The house was silent downstairs. Somehow _Arya_ had been trusted to take care of Sansa herself while the rest of her family were out. Not that there was much choice. Bran and Rickon were both at school and Jon was at work. Besides, Arya liked watching her sister. Not in a creepy way like some might think – but she missed her. She missed the way she would scold Arya for her choice of clothing or the new purple highlights in her hair. She missed the way things had been.

“What are you smiling at?”

Arya started, the phone flying out of her hand. She’d been too busy daydreaming to notice Sansa had woken up, and was looking at her with raised eyebrows.

“No one.” Arya frowned. Sansa mimicked the expression. “Fine. Gendry. We’re going out later. Will you be alright here with Jon?”

She nodded. “I’ll be fine. I won’t... I won’t try to do anything again. You know I won’t. I’m home now. I’m safe.”

Arya bit her lip, unsure of what to say. Sansa diverted the subject quickly. “Is Gendry the one who’s mum...?”

She nodded and Arya thought she saw pity flicker across Sansa’s face for a second. _Gendry was the one whose mum was still in hospital. While Sansa had been lucky enough to be allowed to go home._

Sansa quickly replaced the frown with a smile. “Do you want to borrow anything to wear? For your _date?_ ”

“It’s not a date.” Arya’s face felt hot. She knew she was blushing.

Sansa looked at her sceptically.

“It’s not!” Arya threw her hands up in defence. “Besides, you know where we met. That’s not exactly the best place you’d go looking for romantic prospects.”

She broke the eye contact for a second. “If Jon asks, tell him. I don’t want him to worry.”  She knew her brother wouldn’t be over the moon at the thought of Arya’s closest friend being a 21 year old man, but she didn’t want any more lies in the family. She _couldn’t_ lie to Jon.

“Okay.” Sansa nodded, smiling softly.

Arya stood up suddenly, making her way towards the door. She turned to look at her sist.er. “Do you want tea?”

Sansa nodded, grinning now. “Tea is good.”

“Tea _is_ good.” Arya agreed.

* * *

 

The doorbell rang throughout the house, and Rickon’s eyes widened excitedly.

“I’ll get it!” He screamed, racing towards the front door. Arya chased after him, calling his name as she did so.

The door flew open in both their faces, Rickon moving from foot to foot impatiently. “Gendry!” He smiled, craning his head upwards.

“Hello Rickon!” He grinned back at him, and Arya rolled her eyes.

“Go back inside.” Arya ushered her brother behind her, scuffing his hair lightly as he walked away. She looked at Gendry finally, biting her lip nervously. “Hi.”

“Hey.” He smiled at her.

Arya moved quickly, grabbing her hoodie from behind the door and shouting a rather loud goodbye to the household. Then she was outside, with the door shut behind her and Gendry looking at her curiously.

They began walking aimlessly, as they had become so used to in the past month or so. It was enough though. The walks kept her sane. Gendry’s presence was constant at her side. He slipped his hand in hers as usual, and Arya relaxed beside him.

After ten minutes of walking in silence, Arya spoke finally. “How’s your mum?”

Gendry shrugged. “The Doctor’s say she’s getting better. But slowly.”

“Still,” Arya grinned at him, “That’s brilliant news!”

He looked at her then, smiling but with an odd look in his eyes. “Tell me about yours.”

“Hm?” Arya frowned, the crease in her brow widening.

“Your mum.”

“Oh.” Arya was silent for a moment. They did this. Talked about each other’s lives. The deepest parts of them that so little people knew about. He‘d never asked about her mum before.

But she could trust him. Arya knew she could. Gendry had become the closest friend she had since this all started.

She drew in a deep breath, squeezing his hand involuntarily. If he noticed her hesitation, he said nothing.

“After dad and Robb... It was horrible. She was silent every day. She never left her room. Jon got the Doctor’s out and they said it was probably just shock but it wasn’t, you know? I knew it wasn’t. Eventually she just... stopped. She slept every day. Then of course Cersei Lannister stuck her stupid nose in and convinced the Doctors’ to put her in some mental hospital because she wasn’t fit for ‘caring for children.’ She wanted to have us all put in care... But Jon was an adult. He got custody of us instead.”

Arya stopped speaking. They continued walking. Arya’s light footsteps against Gendry’s heavy feet. Suddenly, he stopped them both, pulling Arya closer to him. He wrapped his arms around her, somewhat awkwardly at first, but then Arya relaxed into him. She stood on her tip-toes and dug her nails into his back, all the while he kept her close to him, uncaring of what they looked like to anybody passing.

She breathed in against his chest, hearing the pace of his heart against her ears. Gendry pressed a kiss in to her hair, before finally letting go. Arya shivered slightly when he did so, but she stayed close to him.

They said nothing after that. They just kept walking. She knew she’d been out for much longer than usual but Arya couldn’t bring herself to care. The sun had long gone down, by the time they reached her home again.

“I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

Gendry nodded, a flicker of a smile passing over his face. She turned to leave, but Gendry caught her wrist.

“Arya.”

She raised an eyebrow at him, prompting him to go on.

“I’m sorry. About your mum, I mean. I-“

Arya cut him off, leaning towards him and encasing him into another hug. “I know.” Her voice was no more than a whisper, but she knew Gendry had heard her.

She pulled away from him and walked away silently, unlocking the door to her house.

“Same time tomorrow?” She heard him call out from behind her.

Arya smiled, despite the shadows that covered her face from his view. “Same time tomorrow.”

She turned around, flashing him one more grin, and then he was gone.

 

**Comments & Thoughts would make me smile :-)**


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